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New IRANIAN Lyrics, by ME/US

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by NoCelebrity, Jun 21, 2009.

  1. NoCelebrity

    NoCelebrity Aye lad, I knew you had it in you

    This is a work in progress, and thought it might get some interesting discussion going. Anyone else with additions or their own inspirations hopefully will contribute. These lyrics are multiple-entendred in some cases and not written from a singular point-of-view.

    Allah Akbar! (God is Great!)

    Iran In Place
    With a Broken Heart
    Islam in My Face
    Prays for a New Start

    Lost in My Space
    How Many Must Die?
    Life's Bitter Tweet
    Blind Faith is a Lie!

    If Ayatollah Once
    It Must Be Forever
    Fatwa What I Want
    Your Vote Will Never
    Count or Be Counted
    In a Race to Disgrace

    Neda's Face May Be Blurred
    But Her Voice Has Been Heard

    Terror In Teh'ran
    Magba Tyranny
    Pray Peace in Allah
    For Every Irani

    That's it so far, but watching CNN a lot and getting new ideas. This pasty American Diabetic imagines himself joining the protestors, comfortably behind the screen. I suppose poetry is the least I could do! And of course, I claim copyright, to protect myself and the work from being misused. Freely share if you tell them you got it from the stormcock forum! At present, the second half seems incomplete or out-of-sequence, but I like the parts on their own merit so I've left them in in no particular order. If I work out melody, that may also change the order/format of the lyrics.

    1. Magba=Death to. 2. Fatwa=A religious Decree. 3. "How many" sounds like (Ayatollah) Khameini. 4. Neda=Voice. Also, Name of The 16yr.old Iranian Girl Killed in protests and most viewed on the hextuple-you (WWW).
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2009
  2. aspwatterson

    aspwatterson The Unknown Soldier

    Iran

    Salaam Alaikam
    God forsaken them
    Alaikam Al Salaam
    Magba in Tehran

    Keef halak sadiqi?
    Broken bended knee
    Demos and democracy
    Pray to be free

    Mustasphas are full
    In a bloodied pool
    Riddled bullet brains
    Licensed to kill

    Khomeni how far?
    Your insanity what for?
    Thousands of years
    Going backwards
    To a yawning Allah

    Mohammed must be turning
    In his grave unlearning
    Wondering what he had started
    Two billion people have farted
    Polluting this methane space
    In competition with the West
    Who can destroy it the best

    Sorry NOceleb...but that was very quick off the top of my sleepy head on a sunny Sunday UK morning!


    chrs
    andi
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2009
  3. NoCelebrity

    NoCelebrity Aye lad, I knew you had it in you

    Put It To Music! This message will self-destruct in 5,4,3...

    Your lyrics are quite good and clever. Alaikam.

    Now, what do the following words mean? Alaikam and keef halaq sadiqi.

    And you slipped in a Harpic Fart, too. Congratulations! If I'm not making any sense, it's because I've been up since my last post FINISHING my poem cum song since I've worked out some of the melody and simple guitar chords for basic accompaniment.

    Speaking of which, read backwards/upwards for my next post if your viewing preferences are like mine.
     
  4. NoCelebrity

    NoCelebrity Aye lad, I knew you had it in you

    A Study In Sleep Deprivation. CNN Double?

    Well, you'll all have to write your own songs now! I think I'm done with my words. The first verse starts bluesy, the second more heavy, the third ends on an arabic note (pun intended). Verses 4 and 5 are more manic/energetic before returning to earlier themes (assuming I remember it all when I wake up later). Eventually, recording it well will be a pain as the pace varies too... Freely share my lyrics, but remember to mention Roy or the Site is where it was first posted. I may post it elsewhere too, after a nap...

    Forever Silent at Sixteen/Allah Akbar! (God Is Great)copyright 21 June 2009

    Iran In Place
    With A Broken Heart
    Islam In My Face
    Prays For A New Start
    Lost In My Space
    How Many Must Die?
    Life’s Bitter Tweet
    Blind Faith Is A Lie!

    Leaders In Power
    By Their Own Decree
    Bad Actors Like Nero
    Call it Democracy!

    Forever Silent At Sixteen
    The Images Burn
    Across Our Screen
    Neda’s Face May be Blurred
    But Neda’s Voice
    Has Been Heard... (Allah Akbar!)

    If Ayatollah Once
    It Must Be Forever
    Fatwa What I Want
    Your Vote Will Never
    Count or be Counted
    In a Race to Disgrace
    Oppose Me, Disappear
    Without a Trace

    Faces Blurred
    Pixillated
    Bloody Violence
    Evil Hatred
    People’s Peaceful
    Revolution
    Face the Lead-Acid
    Solution

    Cities In Ruins
    Suburbs all Shattered
    Allah Akbar!
    Like that Ever Mattered to
    Leaders In Power
    By Their Own Decree
    Bad Actors Like Khameini
    Call it Democracy

    Forever Silent At Sixteen
    The Images Burn
    Across Our Screen
    Neda’s Face may be Blurred
    But Neda’s Voice
    Has Been Heard!...

    “Allah Akbar!”

    -jwc
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2009
  5. HarperPR

    HarperPR My destiny offers me up like a lamb

    Some pretty graphic images on the net. You should read some of the Twitter stuff too. They had posts on there hours before even CNN picked it up. And if you're on there, change your location and time zone to Tehran.
     
  6. aspwatterson

    aspwatterson The Unknown Soldier

    The..

    After many aeons the Persian Empire arose
    But not this time again to superimpose
    Their God's will of international subjudication
    Just tragic civil war this time in their own nation
    Self harming for all to see
    As the Earth bleeds in expanding
    So called religious fornication
    Just trash our planet we don't care
    It's too late anywhichway you dare
    Go and set off a few nuke bombs
    Like a farewell firework display
    Hip hip hooray
    Goodbye humankind
    You were never worthy
    Worship your false idols
    If it makes you feel better
    As the sun doth set
    Within your unkindness
    And as Roy prognoses
    If you kill our kids
    And the gardens of roses
    We will remember your vehemence
    And demolish your false heavens
    With wrathful revengance
    The imploding chaos of it all
    Like other ancient rock bands
    And empires to be recalled
    Perhaps nature self destructs
    Didactically as a lesson
    Egos made of sand trodden
    From universal messages hidden


    c/a [written in ten minutes without scanning for rhyme or metre - just from the heart]

    Salaam Alaikam -Arabic greeting utilising God
    Mustashpha - Hospital
    Keef Halak Sadiqi - how are you my friend?
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2009
  7. NoCelebrity

    NoCelebrity Aye lad, I knew you had it in you

    Farcical Farsi

    Fornication? That word drops the piece out of any hope of wide circulation by the mainstream news media, and two-thirds of either extreme.

    Your second piece starts with a historical narrative, then gets coarse. (We can't all be Roy! He uses it judiciously. Can't you use a religious metaphor -- perhaps ironically -- or subtle imagery? Good ones have a better long-term impact.) Then it begins to feel more personal, and I feel forced to read it as such. I don't think it is evenly written, but a few small changes might make it more accessible to more people. Most of it is very good.

    In the first/other attempt, only the "fart/methane" lines seemed to stray away from the subject, though I think I get your desire to include "Green" topics in every large debate.

    Of course, you are the ultimate audience. If you like it, or if you don't, a true artist is true to their own interpretation of art and what it should be. Especially if it is an expression of you.

    In the 1960's, my Dad got to play golf with Grouch Marx. For nine straight holes, Groucho told profanity filled jokes of the most vulgar nature and no one laughed. After 9 holes, my Dad and his host made excuses and left Groucho to play on his own. All his gift of innuendo that made him the most popular comic on TV for a while was missing. He told essentially the same jokes on the golf course he cleverly alluded to on TV, but took the crass route as a shortcut, and bombed!

    Now, where's my criticism:D. How does my piece affect you? Interpretations? Confusion? Is it easy to interpret? Obtuse?
    Do you find it Trite? Have you seen through my secret desire for praise?
     
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2009
  8. NoCelebrity

    NoCelebrity Aye lad, I knew you had it in you

    Slight Modifications to my IRAN piece

    Well, I find I used "Pixillated" when I meant "Pixellated" (which I can't determine if it should only have one "l" also). I think "Pixies" have there etymology in the Middle East, interestingly. "Pixels" (also "Pels") is short for "Picture Elements" in video, etc. Large blocks of single averaged "Pixels" in groups are obviously used to disguise images and faces. That's what I meant.

    I've also cut a "The" (interesting syntax, a the) from 3d and last verse and reduced "Images Burn/Across The Screen" to a single line ("across the" could also be "on our"). That verse's format changed for the visual scanning, BTW.

    I rarely write more than two verses at a time before all my rhymes start to sound trite, but so far this is an interesting and stimulating challenge to put to music. Practicing the accompaniment I have so far allows me to slowly add to the music in the process, but it's an in-exact process. After a couple weeks, I should have memorized guitar accompaniment and vocal phrasing. Lead guitar parts tend to come last in my process, and I can't play most leads while singing.

    Hope this encourages the creative bug in others...

    Anyway, :m9:

    Salaam to All. Jack C.
     
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2009
  9. NoCelebrity

    NoCelebrity Aye lad, I knew you had it in you

    Latest Version

    Well, I keep modifying and working. The first four verses each have a different accompaniment and melody. The first and sixth verses are unique musically within this song as it stands now.

    I'm a bit surprised no one has commented, even though most of you focus on Harpers, gigs, and established musicians.

    What are the reasons no one but ASPWATTERSON have replied?
    1. Hurting my feelings
    2. Not interested
    3. Don't want to sound stupid (lyrics too abstract?)
    4. Don't want to interfere with the creative process
    5. Thinks it's cheeky, etc. to write a song on another site
    6. Other reason You'll never know!
    7. Don't like Iran, etc.
    8. Don't get the process.
    9. Saw the critique of Andi, now very afraid!

    Anyway, I've been practicing the different parts and possible bridges between verses so I can have more fun with the vocal phrasing: Here's te latest version of the lyrics:

    Iran In Place
    With A Broken Heart
    Islam In My Face
    Pray For A New Start
    Lost In My Space
    How Many Must Die?
    Life’s Bitter Tweet
    Blind Faith Is A Lie!

    Terror In Teh’ran
    Magba Tyranny
    As-Salaam Alaikum
    Every Irani
    Leaders In Power
    By Their Own Decree
    Actors Like Nero
    Call it Democracy!

    Free Speech
    You Can’t Throttle
    You Let the Jinni
    Out of the Bottle
    Like Allah
    It’s Everywhere
    Except Where You’re Going
    And I Don’t Care!

    Forever Silent At Sixteen
    Images Burn Across The Screen
    Neda’s Face May be Blurred
    But Neda’s Voice Has Been Heard... (Allah Akbar!)

    If Ayatollah Once
    It Must Be Forever
    Fatwa What I Want
    Your Vote Will Never
    Count or be Counted
    In a Race to Disgrace
    Oppose Me, Disappear
    Without a Trace

    Faces Blurred
    Pixillated
    Bloody Violence
    Evil Hatred
    People’s Peaceful
    Revolution
    Face the Lead-Acid
    Solution

    Cities In Ruins
    Suburbs Shattered
    Allah Akbar?
    Like that Ever Mattered to
    Leaders In Power
    By Their Own Decree
    Actors Like Khameini
    Call it Democracy

    Free Speech
    You Can’t Throttle
    You Let the Jinni
    Out of the Bottle
    Like Allah
    It’s Everywhere
    Except Where You’re Going
    And We Don’t Care!

    Forever Silent At Twenty-Three
    Images Bleed Upon My Screen
    Neda’s Face may be Blurred
    But Neda’s Calling Is Heard!...

    “Allah Akbar!”
    -jwc

    I really am always curious what my work means to others. Even if you don't like it or get it. It's not my best song, but I'm reasonably happy with it so far. It's different in some ways from most of my other songs.

    Ultimately, I feel this song can really only do any good in the immediate future, so I wonder how far I should take this project. If I had a positive response, I'm considering releasing it to the public domain on a limited (say, one year) basis while reserving all rights and creative control to myself.

    Any thoughts?

    Don't stop, Andi. I was "harsher" on myself. But I really like your ART!
     
  10. HarperPR

    HarperPR My destiny offers me up like a lamb

    For my part, read and absorbed, but lacking words to respond....My friend Leyla is Persian - some of you know/have met her, Shaun, critch; she is on here, as Cruz - or rather, her parents are, so I have had an interest in what's going on in Iran.

    NC, have you thought about putting your words up on any of the various support sites that are on the net? Twitter? Facebook? I am sure they would be welcomed by those in Tehran as well as around the world.
     
  11. aspwatterson

    aspwatterson The Unknown Soldier

    NC!

    I only sent you my rough input as a quick risposte to help brainstorm your goodself. No way was it meant to be the finished article. Now I excitingly realise that your intention is actually to try and make a commercial song released coast to coast I hope some of my seeds germinated something in the ol' grey matter. Having read her bio and seen pictures of that poor girl in Tehran now I appreciate where you are coming from. Sort of Joan of Arc figure.

    Don't expect too much creative input on here as Paul will vouch when he has asked for stuff in the past and received nothing. This site is more of a Harper appreciation place of repose than a proactive interactive one and have worried sometimes in the past that I am in the wrong place. There are thousands of creative writing forums out there where you may get more of a response. But make sure the old IPR protection is clear on your manuscript - is it Copywrite or Copyright in USA?

    When Paul first started stormcock.net he put up my poem [24 pages] BLUE MEDITATIONS - go to top of page on Homepage here and into Library and then Other. I would interested to know your review on it as I have never have had any feedback at all here apart from locally friends, writers circles and creative writers groups.

    Anyroad I'm off to Wales for two weeks climbing mountains for cancer charity * so you may not hear much from me unless I find a library/internet cafe and do a travellerman blog diary. Thinking of doing the Lake District Scafell Pike , The Pennines and Ben Nevis in Scotland if my dodgy knee stands up to all the arduosity of it.

    Go on thinking free....[Moody Blues]

    Love
    Andrew

    * If any one wants to sponsor me put your money where your pocket is on Nick Harper's Just Giving for Killingmanjaro rocks site please. Thanks.
     
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2009
  12. bigchris

    bigchris Aye lad, I knew you had it in you

    Let the Earth Bear Witness

    Mike Scott, his wife Janette and Waterboys’ webmaster Ian Barratt have created a 3-minute video titled LET THE EARTH BEAR WITNESS in tribute to the Iranian protesters. The film shows fantastic images of the uprising in Iran to a soundtrack of a split-new Waterboys with a lyric by the great Irish poet WB Yeats. Says Mike: "Let The Earth Bear Witness is inspired by the amazing scenes of hundreds of thousands of Iranian people standing up for their rights and freedom. I took the words from two old Yeats poems, in which he was writing about Irish freedom fighters. But his words apply to any freedom fighters, anytime, anywhere in the world."

    [youtube]kEoEUdOKhsA[/youtube]
     
  13. NoCelebrity

    NoCelebrity Aye lad, I knew you had it in you

    More than I expected

    Thanks for any response at all, Stormcockers! I only checked in this early because Michael Jackson was raised a Jehovah's witness, and wondered if there were any comments...

    Andi, pretty good stuff off the top of the head! I hoped my critique might have made people braver, but it is a big deal, sort of like writing a paper for school.

    Speaking of chores, I have to finish outside. Hope to check the vid, soon. I've been avoiding signing on to twitter, facebook, etc. I don't mind visiting occasionally... Thanks for the moral support, Linn! (loved the first half, still getting to the second half of your interview!)

    Note my first comment. I'm more interested in whether this would really be worth pushing my very ROUGH off the top of the head song into the whole mess? It takes me usually two weeks to really learn a song well enough, and it's not even five days old yet. I'm still polishing the composition, phrasing. Haven't even considered a lead guitar yet. How about an internet round robin like that song that was added to around the world?

    Released by No Celebrity, perhaps? Remember Salman Rushdie? I'd rather give Roy a little cross promotion, but not even PD weighed in on that remote possibility. I know how hard it is to tell by lyrics alone.

    Coast to coast COMMERCIAL hit? How am I going to collect any money. I'd have to rehearse a week with Paul Shafer or Max Weinberg's Night TV bands (they wouldn't go for it, I'm sure).
     
  14. NoCelebrity

    NoCelebrity Aye lad, I knew you had it in you

    Great Video Editing

    The song's kind of slow in tempo for me, but the sound production is better than anything I can do, and tighter.

    I really appreciated the montage of terrific photos, as most of the images on the news are grainy cell phone vids. It is a tremendous demonstration of the will of the people. Now they're pulling back apparently, waiting to see how the rift in the ruling council plays out ("Meet the new Boss, Same as the old Boss?...").

    Sorry, I don't think I know the Waterboys, or I might better understand the emotions of their music in this one. Sort of melancholy, dirgeful, enduring strength all together?

    Are they putting together an album of similar-inspired songs?:D
     
  15. aspwatterson

    aspwatterson The Unknown Soldier

    Waterboys vid

    The more I listen to that the more I like it. The graphics hopefully will make the Persians once again see the whole of the moon.

    son of Water



    Post punk Anarchy in Iran Mike Peters cover :

    [youtube]V_if68bQZB4[/youtube]
     
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2009
  16. NoCelebrity

    NoCelebrity Aye lad, I knew you had it in you

    Supreme Leader, The Peasants are Revolting!

    Sounds like the Sex Pistols, but did they change the lyrics to apply to today's Iran? Couldn't make out much of the lyrics... Just the way Johnny Rotten did it!... I suppose that's why they "BAN" amateur vids at concerts!:wink:
     
  17. NoCelebrity

    NoCelebrity Aye lad, I knew you had it in you

    Just In Case anyone's following this

    I've changed "actors" to "act" in verses 2 and 8. (Works the same and sounds/flows better)

    The last verse now begins "Forever Silent at Twenty-Six/ Images Bleed In the Mega-Pix..." The media now agrees Neda was 26, not 16 as originally reported, then 23, etc. I'm keeping the other line and Title at 16, since girls are pretty much forever silent in Islamic culture. Is 13 a better age for the beginning of Islamic repression of Women? (Lyrically, that is...)

    I'm still practicing and beginning to work on a lead guitar to go with my accompaniment and vocals. I'm still searching for a short bridge into the third and eight verses that might work better than what I've got so far. (I don't normally work too hard on bridges, but I have FIVE different verses musically, and that change seems awkward to me.) I've got the basic melody for the vocals, which also need refining.

    I'm also hoping for better lyrics than "Cities In Ruins/Suburbs Shattered" as it seems a little bit of an exaggeration. Even just a different first line (about the protests/ response) followed by "Cities Shattered" seems better.

    Lastly, I'm curious if any other lyrics are confusing to others, i.e. my use of the word "Throttle" (which in the U.S. can mean to silence by physical means, such as ironically by "choking").

    Oh well, this may be my last post in this thread...
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2009

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