The Stormcock Community

I always thought that this would make a good song with appropriate guitar (or Brass Band) accompaniement so I offer it to the Stormcock Community and if anyone can put it to some good music, I will come up with a suitable reward.  BTW it also needs to be sung with a good Barnsley accent so Chris might be able to oblige? 

Although not born in Yorkshire (I'm a Northumbrian) my Granfather is from Barnsley.  He was a very tall and proud man who fought in WWI in the trenches and then became an Internationalist fighting Franco in Spain.
 

There's a village in Yorkshire called Gawthorpe,
Not noted for fresh air or fun
And a Mr & Mrs Ramsbottom
Went there wi' young Albert their son

A grand little lad were young Albert
He played with his ball on the green
Right next to where they were living
Till a man brought a digging machine.

Now Pa who had seen this occurrence
And wondering wot to do next
Said, "Ma, yon blokes've cut trees down."
And Ma said, "Ee I am vexed."

It weren't just the trees that were trouble
It were roads and car parks an such
And great big six foot high fences
That surrounded a small rabbit hutch.

They didn't think much to the Open -
Green Space, that were builded upon
By't Metropolitan Council
And a Housing Ass - ociation

Builders 'tempted to try out a cesspool
For saving of pipes and some brass
But landed in trouble wi’ locals
Who thowt that no plans should be passed

On the last little bit of green parkland
That in't middle of village was stood
Were a house wi’ one floor and no toilet (working)
And roadways all covered wi’ mud.

One morning to everyone's chagrin
And for some just a bit of a fright/ado
At the end of a pipe not connected
Was wot looked like a dollop of s___e/poo

It were obvious wot must have happened
When a person got taken quite short
And needed to place a deposit
On't throne and wi’ scarcely a thought

Flushed with success they pulled at't handle
And saw that their pooh'd disappeared
Down a pipe through an inspection chamber beyond
Where quickly it soon reappeared.

Now Council who'd been told about it
Started investigating the cause
They looked up the facts in the library
To see if it had broken some laws

They questioned the lads from the builders
Who said it was done by some dogs
But the man from environmental
Preferred to blame it on frogs

"Else how could it leap so far over
From that trench to the newly laid lawn?"
A section 79 notice was threatened
To remove it the following dawn

They sent for't drainage contractors
To dig a big hole in the ground
And a trench forty yards down the main road
With a second-hand digger they'd found.

Soon the pipes were connected to sewer
And the water could flow with some ease
Though the sound loudly reverberated
To the accompanying rustle of trees.

At last peace came to the village
When the ombudsman had to decide
Were the hutch to remain or be flattened
and restoration of road five yards wide?

The investigation was lengthy
And experts were called from afar
They measured the doors and the windows
And examined the depth of the tar

When eventually they came to conclusion
They decided the building could stay
But fence would have to come down though
And Council, the locals would pay

A small amount of compensation
For their trouble and time as were spent
In fighting maladministration
And folk that they thought were just bent.

The moral to all this finagling
Just in case you wanted to know
Don't waste your time opposing planners
Simply sell up right quick and then go!

Copyright 2004 Pete Rockcliffe

I realised after this feat of musical effort, I would have to offer a really big prize and then I remembered that I had an old Weather Balloon in the garage.  I decided I would need to test it first and so attached it to the vacuum cleaner for some inflation assistance and then Oh Shit.  I don't think anyone is going to be interested in various assorted strips of latex so I will think of something else instead...