The Stormcock Community

 

 

                        (Dave puts his coat on. He pulls the suitcase and goes to leave)

 

Simone           Now who’s being ridiculous? Look at it out there – it’s pouring down. You’ll be soaked. Just stay, for goodness sake. Sit back down.

 

                        (Dave stands at the door, looking out. He thinks twice about leaving)

 

Dave                Alright. But you’ve got it all wrong,  you know.

 

Simone            What have I got wrong?

 

Dave               My life. This suitcase. It’s not how you said it. That’s not what’s in here. You don’t know me. Don’t make out you do. What do you know about me anyway? A few things I told you. I love my kids. I wish I hadn’t opened my big mouth now.

 

Simone           I’m not judging you. I didn’t judge you. It’s not as if you’re the first, is it? Loads of fathers don’t live with their kids. It doesn’t mean they don’t care about them, does it?

 

Dave                That’s right. I’d do anything for my kids. I love them to pieces. I’m not a loser.

 

Simone             I didn’t mean what I said. It just came out. I got mad, that’s all.

 

Dave                You must have thought it, to say it?

 

Simone           I didn’t, really. I just lashed out. I know how to push buttons, that’s all. It’s not that difficult. We’re all just walking egos. I simply took your legs from under you, in a manner of speaking. It wasn’t personal. You’re right, of course. I don’t know you. Pay it no heed. After today we’ll probably never even see each other again.

 

Dave                Fair enough.

 

                        (Dave paces)

 

                        Oh, this is stupid! How long does it take to get a bus to come out? What kind of service do they call this? For God’s sake. I’m going to call someone. Something needs to be done about this. I can’t believe there’s no one about. Who do you think I should call?

 

Simone           I haven’t a clue! What good will it do? It won’t get a bus out any quicker will it? Not in this weather anyway. It’ll be flooding, further down the track, I imagine. You can’t really blame anyone for that, can you?

 

Dave               Not really – but we shouldn’t have just been abandoned here either! Do you think they’ve forgotten us?

 

                        (Dave scans the notice board)

 

Simone           What are you doing now?

 

Dave                Looking to see if there’s a number. Someone I can call.

 

Simone            Well? Is there?

 

Dave               Not that I can see. There’s a Customer Service Charter. Full of the usual bullshit - “We have approachable and proactive Customer Service staff”– that’s taking the Mick, isn’t it? There’s nobody here! Hang on. Lost property. There’s a number for lost property. I can’t see anything else. Shall I ring them?

 

Simone           What would they be able to do?

Dave                I don’t know really. Put me in touch with someone who can help?

 

Simone            Where are they? Their office could be anywhere. You do know that don’t you?

 

Dave               They must have useful numbers to call. It’s worth a try. There’s bugger all else on this board. It’s well out of date. It doesn’t look like it’s been updated in ages. I’ll give them a call.

 

                        (Dave takes his mobile ‘phone from his pocket. He dials the number and puts the ‘phone to his ear).

 

                        For crying out loud!

 

Simone             What now?

 

Dave                No signal. Look! It was alright earlier. What about yours? Can I borrow your ‘phone.

 

                        (Simone takes her ‘phone out and checks it. She hands it to Dave).

 

                        Thanks.

 

                        (He dials and waits)

 

                        What? Number not recognised?

 

Simone           Sure you dialled right?

 

Dave                I think so.

 

Simone             Try again.

 

Dave                Okay. Nope. Same again. Not getting through on that number. Forget it.

 

                        (He hands the ‘phone back).

 

Simone             What about directory enquiries? Give them a ring. Go on. Take it back. Try again.

 

Dave                No, it’s alright. Like you said – probably won’t do any good anyway.

 

Simone             It was worth a shot.

 

Dave                It was a good idea. I’ve calmed down now. Can’t be bothered. Who would you call anyway?

 

Simone             Probably not “Lost Property”.

 

Dave                No. That was a bit stupid.

 

Simone             (Laughing).

 

You could tell them some of their people are missing.

 

Dave              Yes!

 

Simone          That’s better!

 

Dave              What is?

 

Simone          Laughing about it. No point in getting stressed, is there?

 

Dave              It does seem pointless. I’m going to miss my meeting at this rate anyway. There’s no way I’m going to make it in time, not now. Maybe I should call them?

 

Simone           You’re welcome to use my ‘phone if you want. Is it an important meeting?

 

Dave               Reasonably so. I think I will call them, if I may? I ought to touch base. Tell them it’s looking unlikely I’ll get there. They’ve got my PowerPoint file. They can run without me.

 

Simone             Expendable, eh? Computers. They told me at school we’d have more leisure time when the computers take over. Another lie, don’t you think?

 

Dave                That’s true. I work more hours now than I ever did before. I wouldn’t call it being expendable. It’s quite fortunate actually. It’s our policy to share files around – exactly for these reasons. My presentation can still be shown without me. What about you? Don’t you ever use digital? For your pictures?

 

Simone            Sometimes. Occasionally. Not for all of them. Not for the more…sensitive ones.

 

Dave                Why not?

 

Simone             Because they’re not for showing. I already said.

 

Dave                What difference does it make if they’re digital or not?

 

Simone             Think about it. Click. Click. Send. It’s too easy.

 

Dave                (Pause)

 

Clunk, click. Every trip.

 

Simone             I beg your pardon?

 

Dave               What you just said. Click, click. It reminds me of my childhood. Something they used to say, about seatbelts. Strapping in. Clunk, click, before your trip. Jimmy Savile - back in the seventies. You just reminded me.

 

Simone           It doesn’t bear much resemblance.

 

Dave               I know. I was being silly. It was one of those silly health and safety films. Like “Charlie Says”. Only, it wasn’t health and safety. Quite forward thinking for the time when you think about it, considering how preoccupied we are now with safety. Like that film with the couple watching the man at sea.

 

Simone             Who was at sea?

 

Dave               This man on a boat. He was tossing about at sea, out of his depth. This couple were on shore watching with their binoculars. He was waving and they were watching. Of course, he needed help but they were too dim witted to know it. It was a film for the Coastguard, or something. Don’t you remember?

 

Simone           Can’t say I do. So what happened to the man?

 

Dave                Drowned, I think. At least he would have had, if it were real.

 

Simone            It wasn’t real?

 

Dave                No, it was just a cartoon. They all were. Like “Charlie says, don’t go off with strangers”.

 

Simone            Charlie?

 

Dave               Charlie was a cat. I don’t know what the kid was called. Kid was a twat anyway. Always   just about to go off with strangers until Charlie intervened. Got a kipper for his trouble.

 

Simone            Who, the kid?

 

Dave                No, Charlie did. Got a fish for being good.

 

Simone            And what did you get for being good, Dave?

 

Dave                Well, that’s just it, isn’t it? You never got anything for doing the right thing, did you? A clip around the ear if you didn’t. Sod all if you did. Mind you, I’m sure that’s a damn sight better than the alternative.

 

Simone             What exactly was the alternative?

 

Dave                God only knows. A fate worse than death, I should wonder. No one quite told you what the stranger would do, but we knew it wasn’t good. It didn’t matter how cute the puppies might look, or how tempting the sweets, we all knew that we shouldn’t accept lifts from strangers.

 

Simone             Good advice, I’m sure. It got you this far, after all. Just how many lifts from strangers have you been offered, Dave?

 

Dave                Well, there’s the thing. Do you know, I don’t think I’ve ever been offered any.

 

Simone             Never mind! At least you knew what to do if you were!

 

Dave                (Laughing)

 

You don’t think it was just another lie, do you?

 

Simone             What? The grown ups lying to you? Come on, heaven forbid! If you were offered, you’d still know what to do, right?

 

Dave                I’d not accept it -

 

Simone             Oh, I thought you’d know to put your seatbelt on, that’s all, or else you’d get a good hiding!

 

Dave                That’s about the size of it. Still, it never -

 Simone             Did you any harm. So you said.

Dave              Well, it didn’t, did it? Just think, back then we could go off on our bikes. Go off for miles, anywhere we liked, during the school holidays.