The Stormcock Community

Scene 7

Int. store cupboard. Day One[cont...]

It is hot and stifling and Miss Miton's make-up and mascara are dripping down her face.

BEN   Good gawd Maam!

HELEN   What's the matter? Get in and put the frigging mat over there! An' call me Hell Raiser Babee in future with that cotton wool in your cheeks Godfather gargling with Brobat husky kinda voce! It turns me own. OK?

She grabs him by his lank greasy hair and drags him into the room slamming the door behind. Ben is also carrying a feather duster under his arm.

BEN    Hell Baby!! More like it!! You remind me of a cannaibalistic Chinese panda given topacify the Taiwanese wiyh blood dripping from your mouth! Perha[ps you are audtioning for Frankinstein without the teeth?!

Helen checks herself in the mirror, aghast.

HELEN    I'm so sorry Benny Boy but I was just trying to look my best for you because I'm going through that teacher menopause syndrome blue cycle that afflicts us all, looking old and stressed out before end of term time.

BEN   Oh! Come 'ere Miss Pussycat! You are puuurrrfect! I'm used to older women anyway! I understand all your needs and desires!

HELEN   Look you roaming Romany, I'm not that old! Now let's get down to business! Us working girls have to maximise every opportunity to reach our targets productively! Remember it's not the quantity but the optimum quality of education that counts!

Ben fiddles with the feather duster whilst Helen washes her face in the sink bending over provocatively. Ben flicks the duter onto her  behind.

BEN   Tickle your arse with a dusty feather!

HELEN   [straightening, whilst drying her ears with a cloth] Sorry, what did you say, sexy beast?

BEN [winking] I said it looks like we're in for particularly nasty weather! It was one of the caretaker jokes I picked off their website this morning from www. boredomitis. com

HELEN   Cut the crap Benjamin we haven't got time for such inanity! Come over here and take your jacket off!

Ben puts a sponge in his mouth to try and sound like Marlon Brando's deep drawl.

BEN   Hey Hell Baby! Did you say you wanna jack me off senorita?

HELEN   [Ignoring his last remark] Oh Ben! You're such  fun to have around! I can relax with you, do you know what I mean? [wink] Now what's you prefered posiiton eh? [nudging him in the ribs] I'm being serious now! Perhaps you like Madonna or are you just into no-nonsense-straight-wham-bam-thank-you-mam-uncomplicated-no-ties-no-frills-suckulent gratification?

BEN   Err. Pardon Miss?

HELEN   Oh never mind! By the way I love that F.C.U.K. T-shirt you're wearing, funny it reminds me of my previous headmaster in the showers! F.C.U.K.! It does something to me just saying it [wink]

BEN    Well I've had several positions. I started delivering milk at the age of seven before I progressed to a newsboy round....

HELEN    No! No! I don't mean those sort of positions! I've been delivering milk all my life to my various sucklings! [she leans over and kisses him gently on the lips gazing in his startled eyes]

The kissing starts to get out of control and the sponge pops out of Ben's mouth into Helen's and after gurgling for breath she turns away and spits it venemously into the sink.

BEN   Well teach', if I'm thinking what you....

HELEN   Yes, yes....[impatiently]...and don't call me teach!

<to be continued unless censored!!>