The Stormcock Community

Scene 7 [cont...]

BEN   Well Miss I have actually experienced a multitude of positions in my young life an' could literally give you a list if you want. It depends what you want? I'm Mr. Easy. My last girlfriend called me 'Sunny Side Up' but I think she was a bit bisexual.

HELEN    [breathlessly panting] Go on! I'm all yours! All channels of communication are open!

BEN   Hang on! Before the foreplay I just wanted to show you a poem I wrote about you and my Ex the other day. It's tucked in the Cleaning Bible Manual Chapter 6 Section 4 Subsection 42 (b) under the heading ' Customer Survey Check List on Satisfactory Toilet Pan Defumigation'

HELEN   Sounds charming! Oh Ben I didn't know you were a literary man I thought you were just a .....

BEN   [Interrupting] I know, I know! Everyone round here thinks I'm some disenchanted disenfranchised disinfecting monk doing ablutions. Never mind!   [sighs]

HELEN   Come on Ben  keep yer pecker up! We haven't got time to mess around!

BEN   As I have said regarding the ground rules and at the risk of repeating myself I don't mind extended foreplay but I draw a line at foursomes as I have already warned Col' The Head and Lin' the ol' tart. Just because I am a lowly caretaker I am still a man of principles.

HELEN   To cam : [ she was going to say 'how low can you get' but bites her tongue because she could tell Ben was deadly serious - why do men have to make sex so blimming serious? Flowers in a bucket indeed!] Oh really! I get the picture now! Colin and that cheap bit of flirty skirt dirt eh? Come on quick I can't hold out much longer....

BEN   OK I'll tell you the current positions that spring into my young verdant fertile erectile mind, but first you have to read my poem first to get me in the mood.

[to be continued and don't worry no caveats are needed because nothing happens...shouldn't have told you that [to ruin the suspense] but was worried about getting the blue pencil of censorship because it takes ages to type it in]