The Stormcock Community

Scene 7 [cont...]

Helen rummages around and pulls out a scrap of paper and begins to read :

HELEN   :  Title : Only one eggcup - a frozen moment of grief.

Only one eggcup to put out now, now that you're gone

You gave me three eggs, but that's another song

They were my kids deserting me

For mummy's new man.  [Helen rubs her eye]

Only one blouse to iron, now that you're gone

No one left alive on which to frown

Only one ying without any yang

No more G string to pluck as I twang.

No more tongues exchanging spit as a fine art

Or listening as you go for a **** and a fart

No more happy songs on the radio

Or rolling pins drunk at midnight

Showing me which way to go.

I used to say only one woman before she was gone

Now my kids know me as a faithful idiot who cleans pongs,

No one to shut up whilst watching the match on TV

No more sneaky vodka binging [Tee Heee!].

No more sharing spliffypoos with my darling honey

Or arguing over the finite housekeeping money,

I still believe there must be some nice people out there

It's such a shame they've all gotta die somewhere.

I've ended up cleaning this ****** ol' school

Met a teacher though who's real cool

I'm in the mood for an older, wiser mature type of shag

Who understands me without looking like a hag.

Here I sit all day crying into my bucket

A river of tears. Oh! Just f..... !

Helen abruptly stops reading the prose, crumples it up aggresively and throws it in the sink.

HELEN  I'm sorry Ben it is wonderful and you are obviously a very gifted and well-endowed man  [wink]  but it just reminds me of that stupid frog on the stairs in the Muppets singing and feeling sorry for himself. Yuk! Look Benny boy I am your fairy godmother here to fulfil your fantasies and I will perform I promise!

BEN   Ok! OK! Don't rush me! But I ain't no hermit whatever his name is! I'm a real man with real feelings living a real life!

HELEN   I know Ben! I know! That's why I love you! I know let's put some music on...

Helen tunes in the radio and it's a reporter at the Michael Jackson trial. They both start dancing and singing "He'll wearing pink pyjamas when he comes in his pyjamas!" to the tune of "She'll be coming down the moutain when she comes!" They hug each other and laugh deliriously.

<TBC...>