The Stormcock Community

Another knock at the door! Rat a tat!

HELEN      Christ almighty! Can't there be any peace for the wicked?

BEN           Yeah come here my little witch!  [sexily grabs her]

HELEN    [shouting through the door]  Yeah what is it? This time?

Ext. Cleaning Cupboard

SIMON      [holding hand to mouth shouting back]  Miss are you in there? It's the police, open up! Everything you take down in there will be used in evidence against you! Only joking! It's me Simon! I've counted the gym mats - there's forty green and 39 in situ plus one blue one in the cleaning cupboard for some very STRANGE REASON? [voice raising at end of sentence questioning]  Also I've revised the formulae to calculate the number of steps to walk back home to take into account  the different foot sizes for the average bipedal on an allogarithmic scale using differential calculus allowing for definable parameters / variables to an Nth degree.

Int. Cleaning Cupboard

HELEN     Yes obviously, Simon, well done [thinking blooming smart arse!] I'm just resting on the mat at de mo! Had such a busy day with Bogeymen, coffee cups, things to do , people to see, busy bee, ecetera , ecetara.  Ha ! Ha! [false laugh as she looks exasperatingly at Ben for inspiration]

BEN   [whispering] Just ask him another bloody question and he'll bleeding disappear! Pronto!

HELEN    [composing herself]  Okay Simon, another question for you to ponder with your insatiable mind! If you sit in armchair in your house without making a move for sixty earth years how many miles do you travel in space in imperial measurements?  [she winks at Ben and whsipers 'that'll get him'!]

SIMON   That's easy Miss! Approximately forty English billion miles taking into account the revolution of the Earth on it's axis; the nearest sun's orbital distance; the Milky Way galactical rotation speed and the constellation's shift northeastwards towards Sagitarrius. Obviously, discounting  any Earth wobble, major catastrophic events like heavenly bodies colliding with each other, adjacent Universes [if they exist] slide, and trips to the Off Licence, bookies and sex shops!

HELEN    Well done clever clogs! I would love just a bit of peace at the moment because my Universe seems to have stagnated.

SIMON   I know Miss, you have my sympathy, but, please ask me another!? I'm fed up with Math's questions, ask me about any subject!

Helen exchanges helpless glance with Ben.

BEN   [whispering in her ear] Politicians!

HELEN   What?!

BEN   Yeah politicians! Ask him who has been the most faithful one over the past hundred years. It will take him eternity to find out!

To be cont.....